LIVE FOR TODAY
As John Lennon said,
"Life is what happens when you're making other plans." We're
too obsessed with the future and how good or bad things are going to be.
We put ourselves through shit now in the theory that it will make the future
better. Then the future turns out to be nothing like we thought it was
going to be and in fact is a lot more like the present. We've all been
raised on tales of some ant who worked hard and some grasshopper who didn't and
how somehow it was better to be the ant. But at least the grasshopper had
a bit of a laugh some of the time the ant was just miserable all the
time. So my suggestion to you is stop living in the future so much.
If you're not enjoying at least some of the present then change it. Now.
STOP HOLDING DOORS OPEN
FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF OPENING THE DOOR FOR THEMSELVES
There's a distance
(about 3 metres by my estimation) between you and the person behind you after
which it's not helpful to hold the door open any more. Now they have to
do the little half run, the little thank you and all in aid of what? Not opening a door? Believe me,
they've opened a door before. They know how it works. My rule is:
if they're not elderly, if they don't have a pram or a wheelchair and if it
doesn't fit into your own smooth transition through the door just let that
sucker fly. Otherwise you're just wasting your time and theirs.
EARN MONEY
I can't emphasise that
enough. After a while not earning money really begins to grow
stale. I've been doing the not earning money thing for a number of years
now and I'm really starting to regret it as a career choice. I'm eager to
move into the earning money area of the economy but once you've been not
earning money for a while people tend to pigeon hole you as a not money
earner. If you have some money that you'd like me to earn contact the
magazine and they'll send you my details. If you're looking to earn money
yourself a great place to start is with employers.
READ LESS (OR MORE
DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT)
How many times have you started a book, not really
enjoyed the first hundred pages, presumed it gets better once you get into it (after
all, it is a classic), got halfway through without even noticing, kept going,
got two thirds of the way through, realised that you’re never going enjoy this
book but you might as well finish it now just so you don’t always wonder if it
got good at the end (after all, it is a classic), finished it without any
enjoyment whatsoever and put it up on your shelf just in case you want to read
it again or look up some particular part or lend it to a friend (after all, it
is a classic).
When
you’re enjoying a book you read it much faster because you want to read
it. When you’re not enjoying it you
pick it up every now and then, read a couple of pages, get bored and go to
sleep. (‘The Curious Incident of the
Dog in the Night’ took me two days, ‘The Turn of the Screw’ took me two
months) So when you think about it, if
half or even a quarter of the books you read are shit then your reading shit
books most of the time. At least a shit
film is over within 2 or 3 hours. A
shit book goes on for weeks (or months if you read as slow as me).
I
say read less. Or rather read less of
more books. If you don’t enjoy it
within the first hundred pages throw it away.
Authors will just have to learn how to entertain for a change.
(NB: If you
didn’t enjoy the first paragraph of that last section you probably should have
just skipped the whole thing.)
ITS
Don’t use the word its. It’s a complete waste of time.
Why waste time trying to remember which it’s you’re supposed to be
using, even if it just takes half a second?
Just use it’s across the board.
And don’t let people tell you that it’s wrong. ‘s means the possession of.
They may have this extra word its which they like to use but you’re just
putting ‘s after the word it and that means the possession of it. So there.